man wearing watch with black suit

The Top 3 Mentalities Men Hate In Women – SHORT STORY

There are things that women do that can cost them a good man.

And I mean cost them dearly.  Mr. Right could be right around the corner about to bump into you as you head out of the post office. He sees you coming with your frilly dress in the sunlight with a pep in your step because you woke up on the right side of the bed and everything is going well before lunch. You don’t see him because you are checking your phone, but he sees you coming and can’t take his eyes off of you. As you look up, you see his clean entrepreneurial swagger and a smile that penetrates your world. He says, “Hi” and you nervously say “Hi,” as he asks you where the post office is, as if he didn’t know. You point to the door a few feet away and say, “right there,” with a grin.  He smiles widely and asks if you are from around here and you cautiously answer, “not far,”…..shoot, you don’t know him! But your defenses seem to drop as you ask him the same questions and he tells you he lives uptown and where his office is. You are impressed, particularly because you notice the glistening new BMW parked a few spots away he points his keys to and locks coincidentally in the middle of one of his suave statements. He seems interested in you! His eyes are locked onto yours as you both make small talk. He makes a major move and says he is rather new to the city and maybe you could show him around.  He lets you know that there is an art gallery opening Friday and invites you out. You agree with no hesitation and he promises to call you Thursday for the details as you exchange numbers.

It is Thursday and he calls. You giddily answer the phone already knowing who it is, but playing it cool. You all talk for a few minutes and he asks for your address so that he can pick you up Friday night. You give it to him and he promises to be at your apartment by 6pm because the gallery opening starts at 7pm. Friday is here are you pull out your best date dress. A hot smokin’ head turnin’ black and grey number that you know will make an impression. Honestly, you are tired of the dating scene because it seems like that is all you do, but nobody has worked out so far. You are starting to wonder if there are any good men left out there. So, you’re determined that you’ll make this work, especially because you’ll be 31 in October. Hair, nails, Spanx, and the whole nine yards goes into your date getup. 

He pulls up and knocks on the door. You are there on the other side, but you wait a minute before opening it in order to seem less eager. You open the door and see him looking fine as wine and invite him in for a moment while you grab your purse. He comments on how great your place looks and how beautiful you are, then the two of you are out of there. He opens your car door, gets in and turns the ignition as he asks about your day. You tell him how great it was and what you did at the office. You elaborate on how you’ve been working there for a few years and the challenges you’ve had to face. He is impressed with your work ethic and commitment. You then tell him about how the government has positioned women to be subordinate to men in the workplace and how your job owes you. He smiles and interjects with empathy but you fail to acknowledge his comment. He asks you about your family and you tell him about your wonderful mother, but you bash your father for not being in your life very much because he moved across the country when you were a teen to find greener pastures for the family. You explain to him that you feel that you would be better off if he was more supportive. There is awkward silence in the car.

You get to the gallery and he lights up as you all move from paintings to sculptures. You feel bored but try to smile through it. He asks you about your favorite style of art and you say “Hip Hop and Country.” He then tries to clarify that he means classic art such as what you are looking at. He changes the subject as you all get a drink and appetizers while walking around the gallery. He asks if you like the caviar and sushi as you choke on the wasabi. He gets you some water and you clear your throat and make your way to the bathroom. While looking in the mirror, you think, “I got this one.  I’m tired of working and he seems loaded. He’s nice too! Not to mention, hot!  I look awesome and I feel like he likes me already.  I wonder if I should invite him in and seal the deal after we leave this dreaded place.”

You check yourself in the full length mirror right before leaving the bathroom and are stunned at how your recent diet worked. You knew you would catch a good man this time and it looks like you did. Happily, you leave the restroom and return to your date. He is having a conversation with the artist who is opening his gallery. He introduces you as you walk over. The artist asks you what you think of his collection, and you say, “great” and try to look enthused. There’s awkward silence as your date and the host wait in expectation for what you may say next, but nothing comes to mind so you ask your date if you all can go. He kindly excuses you all from the encounter and you exit the gallery. He is opening your doors and helping you with your purse, all with a pleasant look on his face. You know you got this girl!!! As he drives you home, there is a bit of silence so you ask if you can turn on some music.  He says, “sure.” You turn on some music and sing along to a song or two, trying to impress him.  He says, “nice voice” as he keeps his eyes on the road. You are sure he loved your voice because you’ve been singing all of your life. This will certainly impress him more! 

As the car pulls up to your place, he hops out and gets your door. As you ascend the staircase, you argue with yourself about letting him spend the night because he obviously would want to. Any man would want to have a night of passion with you, especially so he can test drive what he’s getting. You want to show him that you got it all, so as you stand in front of the door, you ask if he’d like to come in for a drink. There’s a very sincere and caring look in his eyes that lets you know he is going to say yes, so you take your keys and start to open the door. As you crack the door open, he places his hand on your wrist and says, “maybe some other time.” “Did he just turn me down,” you think, as you try to assess what just occurred. “I knew I landed this one….maybe he doesn’t sleep over on the first date. Maybe the second or fifth” you think as you ask him, “are you sure.” Without hesitation, he responds, “Yes,…have a great evening and thank you for coming out.” He kisses you on the cheek, makes sure you are safely in your home and heads down the stairs. He jumps into his shiny blue BMW and jets off into the night. You call him a few days later to thank him for a great time and he answers. After a quick thanks, you ask if he’d like to come over or go out again soon. He tells you about a big project he is working on that requires his focus, and gives no indication of wanting to go out again. Kindly, you say, “well, maybe we will bump into each-other at the post office again.” He chuckles, says “maybe” and wishes you well. 

The Top 5 Mentalities Men Hate in Women – Article

  1. Entitlement Mentality

The beautiful lady in the short story has everything going for her and appears to be smart, witty, strong, and sexy. While she may be all of those things, she carries an entitlement mentality! This is the type of thinking that says, “somebody owes me. I have been wronged, abandoned, or have taken on the offenses of my stereotype, so give me something.” While, the acts of wrong, abandonment or hurt may have happened, carrying the mentality around is unhealthy. It is a lesser form of unforgiveness that seeks to hinder one’s progress. It takes on a personality of anger, resentment, and seems to permeate conversations and functionality.  It is self-seeking and craves attention. It says, “the government, society, a particular group of people, or a person is indebted to you. It will always appear because whatever is in your head or heart will ultimately come out of your mouth and creep into your actions, especially when it is deep rooted.

 This mentality repels good men and they can smell it from a mile away. No good man wants a woman that has this mentality because it will automatically flow into their relationship. She will feel entitled to his care, concern, money, and everything else. He will know that this type of woman will be “needy” or “thirsty.” She will be counterproductive to his life and become a ball and chain. Only a man with a mission to help a woman with this issue will bear this type of relationship with a goal to get her restored, but the typical good man will see it and run. They are busy making moves in life and are ready to settle down with the woman of their dreams, not re-raise or heal someone with a major emotional case. 

If you have an entitlement mentality and walk around with a chip on your shoulder, it is time to get healed of the old wounds that still fester in your heart. You may not even know what made you feel entitled. It could be an accumulation of experiences stemming from your childhood up until now that have hardened your heart and changed your innocent view of life. Your pain has made you feel like “life” owes you something.  You have been betrayed or mistreated by almost every man or entity you’ve ever known and it has built deep seated hostility in your subconscious. This will derail you and keep you going in a circular motion in relationships. You may get the dates, the sex and even the gifts for a few months, but just like the beauty in the short story, you will not receive the good man.

2. Self-Centered Mentality

Women were created with an uncanny strength that is unique to us. This power separates us from our counterparts and makes us desirable to say the least. We are natural born givers.  We take a seed and our bodies form a baby. We take money and make a great home.  We take our soft edge combined with discipline and rear responsible and productive children. Women are givers!  We are wired to give to the world and there is nothing wrong with that. We are also created to be given to. After being sown into, we produce! Each gender plays a role in the health of the planet and it all makes sense.  Biologically and psychologically men know this information about woman. They innately understand that women are a blessing and are made to produce, create, help, support, and nurture. So when a good man does not see these characteristics because they are overshadowed by selfishness, they run!!  I would too if I were a guy!!! No good man wants to have to deal with a woman that can’t help him, and who always wants her way. That is a 7 year old daughter, not a wife!!

I am a little feminist, but I do not condone women running around thinking that they should rule over men in a dominant way and that they need to take from a man to get somewhere in life. Now, a mediocre or less than desirable man will deal with selfishness because he is just looking for any woman, but a good man will not because he understands the power of giving. Self-sacrifice, time, physical and mental energy, concern, care and so much more goes into a healthy vibrant relationship. And when you love someone, these activities are not chores or work!  They become privileges as a mutual exchange occurs. They actually energize you because there is a constant flow of positive energy between two people who love each-other!

Good men have so much in them that they want to give. They actually want to support and take care of a woman, but only one who deserves, respects, and is appreciative of what he has to offer. His energy is valuable and he doesn’t want to just give it to a woman who can’t give it back in a feminine way, so if he senses selfishness, he will fly. He will not stick around because he can see down the line how your relationship will be. Selfishness carries over into every area of a relationship, as does other character flaws, but it is not easily overcome or even seen by the host in order to be corrected. A good man is in tune with humanity and is wise, so he does not put himself in position to start a serious relationship with this type of woman. Some good men can overlook it for a time, or possibly not even notice it, but when it rears its ugly head, he is outa’ there! So if you are conceited, selfish, or consider yourself a bi***, then you must get off the fast track to relationship doom and start becoming a little more selfless every day in order to reach a healthy self-others equilibrium. 

3. Shallow Mentality

The beauty in the short story had everything going for her. The problem was that she had an empty heart and a shallow head.  Her hips can entice and her smile is inviting, but her mind is occupied by vanity and meaninglessness. With all her ambition and desires, she is still completely half-baked and any man with good eyes can see it after spending thirty minutes with her. Deep, thoughtful, creative, passionate men love women who have a big heart and a productive mind. The purpose of dating is to find out who someone is and to see if there is a possibility of a good match. If a man who knows he is going places gets involved with a stagnate-minded woman, he will automatically be turned off.  If he involves himself with someone who cannot respond creatively in conversation, things will become stale quickly. He knows that sex and going out can’t replace true intimacy which is born out of time together in hot, powerful, and emotionally charged conversation. If you can’t keep up at the restaurant dinner table when he engages you in a thought provoking topic, how can you keep up in life.

If somone is shallow, it may be because of the value system they learned from their parents. If the deepest topic discussed in the home was about shoes, money, and celebrities, then these objects will be valued highly. If sex, status, and material things are what is prized in the home, the individual will be raised to think materially. In order for a person to value things that they can’t see such as character, emotions, relationships, growth, history, destiny, God and the eternal, they have to be raised in an environment conducive for conversation about such. There are children that still thrive naturally when asked about these topics even when raised in a shallow environment, but the vast majority cannot participate adequately when such conversations arise. 

The truth is, men do not fall in love in the bedroom. They may love a woman’s body or seek out the physical for biological reasons, but nothing more. They may enjoy a women’s company because they have someone to hang out with. But some women confuse the man’s pursuit with love. See, good men want more than a physical relationship because it is not even in third place when it comes to importance. Don’t get me wrong, they want someone who is beautiful to them…I mean, who doesn’t, but they want someone far more beautiful on the inside. This woman compliments them and assumes the position in their lives that only a special woman could occupy. This woman sets their heart on fire and makes them feel like they can conquer the world. She makes him feel like he is more than a man because she knows what to say. She gives him exceedingly more than he can physically feel which goes beyond the touch of his hands, but reaches into the depth of his being. Therein lies the real him, that only she can find.

4. Thirsty Mentality

Men hate when women act thirsty.  First of all, what is it?  It’s when someone is needy of attention. They are clingy and almost desperate for love, admiration, or time with someone. They attach themselves to people like a leach to a leg and do their best not to let go. They try way to hard to keep someone interested in them. This happens to women when they have an inner deficiency of self-respect. If a woman lacks respect for herself and doesn’t know it, she will attempt to validate herself with a man. The vacuum within is turned on high and begins to suck the soul of a man to get close to him. She tries to impress him and show him that she is eager and willing in every way to be with him, do what he wants.

She doesn’t give him space because she is insecure to allow him to have time alone because “he may be on a date with someone else.” She will call him all of the time so that he can make her feel good and so that she knows that she is important to him. She will always be available when he calls so that she doesn’t disappoint him.  Thirsty mentality is what causes women to get used and not even know it. She figures, if she is always available, he won’t need to look for another woman to go out with. If she always tells him “yes” he will fall in love with her so deeply.  She tells herself, if she gives him her body, he will be satisfied and want her more and more. 

What she doesn’t know is that all of the above mentioned activities of this women are what is causing good men to run away from her. Men don’t really want you to always be available. As a matter of fact, if you are always ready to see them, it will make them bored because they can’t chase you.  Yes, men want a little challenge when it comes to obtaining you as their prize. I mean, you are the hottest commodity on the planet! Nobody wants something of such value to be so cheap. It proves that it may not be the real thing. Just like a diamond to a cubit zirconia…..One is expensive and grown under grown naturally over time and pressure and the other is a cheap man made knock off of little value. You cannot be needy of time, attention, money, or anything and show a man. Once men see “neediness”, they will wonder why the woman is so eager. They will be curious as to why she is so willing so fast and instead of trying to figure it out, they will bounce. And a woman being all up in a man’s face all of the time will tire him. Guys like space to do what they want. If they want to call you, they will. If they want to take you out, say “no” sometimes just because. Nope, it’s not playing games, it’s understanding who you are dealing with. In the beginning of your friendship, if he skips time calling you, don’t ask him “why” hasn’t he called you. Instead, say something like “where you been?” How’s everything going?” He will pursue you even more because you are proving that you don’t “need” him. No man wants to be “needed” at first.  They only want to be wanted.    

5. PROMISCUITY

Giving it up is the worst thing you can do to a man. You are doing him no favors by letting him test drive the goods so that he can see what he’s getting.  And if you are easily sleeping with guys, then you are promiscuous. This means, you have little to no rules, standards or morals that guide your sexual behavior with men. As a matter of fact, you may be able to sleep with someone and quickly forget them or move on to the next one. Sex means very little to you. Also, if you sleep with someone quickly just because they want it, you are promiscuous. You may even feel that this is just how things happen, but it is a lie from the pit of hell.

Ever heard your grandma or mother say, “why buy a cow if he can get the milk for free.” If you give it to him free, you tell him he can have the goods without the commitment. He can play house with you without buying you a house. You cheapen yourself and reduce your worth to a man once he has had you in bed. As a matter of fact, even if you merely dress provocatively, good men will feel like they have seen you naked already, so why do they need to pursue you further. Your body is God’s temple, not an empty shell with good paint.  It is where your glory is and should be kept as pure. 

It is a privilege for him to even stand next to you, let alone sleep with you, but that honor does not belong to him yet. He hasn’t earned it nor does he deserve it, but you gave it to him for free. Sex is never free. It either adds or subtracts from someone depending upon the circumstances. Human beings have souls that connect with other human beings. Whether people care to believe this or not, every time you sleep with someone, your souls mate just like your body. Something goes into the other person physically and spiritually which actually stays there. So, if you sleep with many people, you are depositing a piece of you into each of these individuals, which is why it is so difficult to shake a person you have slept with, as opposed to someone you have not been intimate with. 

I know you are “feeling” him, but if you want to keep the guy, don’t act on it. As a matter of fact, don’t put yourself in a position for it to happen. Don’t go to his place or let him stay at yours over 5 min or at all. If you want him to spoil you with kindness, shopping trips, dates etc., then lock up your jewels until he brings out a jewel. Yes, a jewel for a jewel! A ring, for a ding after the wedding bell. It is not easy to wait for this, but you are worth it. Tell yourself, “I am worth it.”  If he runs away, then that certainly means he is not the one.  Don’t feel like you have to give him some to prove your love and solitify things. That is a trick of the mind.  Do the opposite and give him nothing but your friendship which will prove that he is worthy of all of you later. Train him to respect you. Show him that you value yourself and he will make the entire city value you. You will become his world as you also teach him to respect himself. Remember, you are worth the wait.

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