a woman rests her head on another person's shoulder

They Just Changed-

Have you ever been in a relationship that made you feel like you just ran a 25k marathon and you came in dead last?  Well, this feeling is more common than people think.  Secretly feeling tired and frustrated with the whole thing can get to you. A lot of common folks need to be on the big screen because they are so good at acting like everything is picture perfect when their relationship is in shambles.  But we can’t let it show right?  Yes, not always, but you need someone to talk to or counsel with about the real deal or the pain you may be experiencing will lack purpose.  Talk to your local pastor, a trusted seasoned advisor or counselor, and don’t forget us…we are always here. 

When you first started, everything was so nice.  They were nice.  You were nice.  Nice dates.  Nice, Nice, Nice!! But then everything took a turn and you don’t really know where it all started or ended.  It you do know, then you are better off than most.  But if you have no idea, there is a challenge to conquer.  If you don’t know what’s wrong with a cell phone, how can you fix it?  I guess you would have to open it up and see what is causing the trouble.  But how do you know where to look?  There are too many parts and stuff that you don’t understand!  Relationships and love can be fixed, you just have to know what to look for and what to do with each little piece.  Before you know it, your phone is back on!  Just don’t drop it in the sink again!

1. When Did It Start

Did they do something or not do something?  Or maybe they were doing something consistently that totally turns you off, and over time it caused a rift in the relationship.  Sometimes we think that certain behavior is okay in the beginning, but after a while, it can get old.  We have to be able to be honest with our significant other and tell them when something is no longer acceptable or it can lead to disgust.  Maybe they did something big that you thought you were “over it,” but it’s still hurting you subconsciously.  If you really want your relationship, you will have to forgive them for the sake of both of you.  Look deep inside and see if something is still there that bothers you, or if there are many little things pestering you.  If you lose track…and you probably will, write them down.  Finding out where your pain began is the key to healing.  Just write it, you will do something with it in a few minutes.

2. Did They Change

People change.  Change can be a positive, progressive action. It can truly cause a person to blossom!  But there are other types of changes that can cause someone to wither away over time.  If you are in a relationship with someone who changed for the worst, then it can hurt you because they are not the same person you fell in love with.  Maybe they became less concerned about you, don’t treat you the same, are more complacent, or shallow.  Maybe they don’t talk the way they did before or they think they are better than you now.  Or maybe they used to love God and now they don’t even want to go to church.  Maybe, maybe, maybe.  It could be a zillion and one things they changed about themselves.  Even a very small change on the road could lead to a totally different destination.  This is why you feel like you have grown apart or that they are a totally different person.  Now, everyone should be changing positively to add to the relationship.  Growing spiritually, mentally, emotionally, financially, educationally, and socially adds value to your union.  But becoming a different person negatively on the inside changes the dynamics of your fellowship.  This is why you may not be able to talk like you used to.  You are not speaking to the same person.   Maybe you changed and they stayed the same?  If you changed positively, and they stayed the same, then the old them could be bugging you because you have grown past them.  You are no longer speaking the same language.  Or you are speaking the same language but two different dialects which is totally frustrating.  They may not have progressed in an outward way, but if the goodness and the foundation of what you fell in love with is still there, then consider yourself blessed.  Just be patient and keep encouraging them to make strides with you.   Set goals with them and keep each-other accountable.  But if they changed negatively, then write about the person you used to know.  Write about the things you used to do and enjoy together.  Look at the next step…

3. Speak Up

Honesty is the best policy in relationships. Speaking up as soon as you see things you don’t like right when they happen is key to nipping things in the bud.  I know you wish you could rewind the clock and do this, but even though the damage was done, it can be reversed.  Now, you have written down what they did and you have also written about the person you used to know.  Schedule some private time and go for it.  Be as honest as you can in a very loving and respectful way.  More than likely they will be surprised so be prepared to give real life actual examples of their actions or inactions, behavior, moods etc.  Then start reminding them about the “them” you used to know and the person you fell in love with.  How they used to treat you and the things you used to do together.  Bring out the pictures and reminisce about the good ole’ days.  Communication is powerful and it can yield amazing results if done effectively.  You can rebuild anything with the right words and actions!  Ideally, they will say, “You know what…you are right!  I am going to start doing this again. I’m so sorry for what I did…I was a fool.” “Yeah, I guess I have changed…From now on I will….” All of these phrases are admirable.  They get you on the road to relationship recovery when spoken out of a pure heart.  If they don’t say anything heartfelt, then keep working on them and prayer definitely can do wonders on a person.  If there is anyone who can reach someone, it’s God!  But do your part by presenting the facts so that you can start re-writing or editing your love story together again. 

What you have together may be well worth it!

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